Wednesday, 31 July 2013

What is a woman worth?


Even though I’m one of them I've since concluded that when it comes to matters of the heart women are the most gullible creatures to walk this planet! The minute a man utters those three little words (I like you/I love you) we're sold. Feelings of euphoria grip us and it's nothing short of being addicted to a substance. Suddenly it becomes a catharsis and we wonder how we ever lived without it. Well, excuse me for craving a bit of tenderness! My Bible tells me that there is nothing greater than love and it is that which binds us humans together.

But what is it about being in love that dispels reasoning? It doesn't matter which way you look at it, the sequence of events are always the same. Boy meets ‘sensible’ girl, boy woos her, hunts her down like a hungry wolf. And I'm not talking about a text here and there or the occasional  phone call. The more the girl resists his advances and/or shows/pretends she's not remotely  interested, the more the boy sharpens his hunting tools. Again I will put myself on the chopping log and admit that there is something about this phenomenon that excites the girl too. In her mind she's built her ideal suitor and if by any chance he meets her ideal, the girl begins to see herself in another light. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined being desperately sought after by 'the man of her dreams' and even though she plays hard to get, she knows she definitely wants to be caught at some point!
   
At this point I’m reminded of a famous poem I once read in my vernacular ‘Kana wamutanga musikana’. What this poem demonstrates is how the girl meanders around her feelings for a boy and how shy and uncomfortable she gets. She will look at the sky, pluck grass off the ground, anything but admit what she's really feeling. It takes a gutsy boy to finally drag it out of her. That's how shy and uncomfortable the girl is portrayed in this particular poem and being as traditional as I am I don't think there is anything wrong with that. She's just being a woman!

This trailing continues until he catches her. It's not long after that that the direction of the wind changes. Again I'll put myself on the line and say half the time all sense deserts the girl once she's caught. She begins to like the boy and perhaps more than she should at this point. Again nothing wrong with that as I believe in some degree of human vulnerability. However, there is a lot to be said for liking someone too much. Tables seem to turn the minute you yield to the boy's charms. Granted he will give you the all famous honeymoon phase and it can last for a few weeks, months even as the 'man of your dreams' showers you with sweet nothings and flowers; he calls you every five minutes just to hear your sweet angelic voice. He doesn't know how he ever lived without you; at least that’s what he tells you. Of course you believe him. You're a normal woman, a natural romantic which is perfectly fine by the way. That kind of romance, I reckon, feeds our soul and it doesn't end there. The love feeling that we get produces endorphins and you can just tell by the glow of our skin, something which our closest friends will notice and tease us about!

Then bam the unthinkable happens. The calls and text messages start tailing off. The silence is deafening. You check your phone endlessly thinking that perhaps you may have missed his call when you went to the bathroom. You check it again just to make sure the battery is charged. All of a sudden you become neurotic. Why hasn't he sent that text? Is he losing interest? This is the time 'Mrs Sense' really vacates the building. You start over-functioning by sending him endless text messages in the hope that your actions will secure your place on his mind and indeed in his heart. When he doesn't respond you send another one asking him if he has seen the one you sent before the one you’re sending now. By this point you’re in the stalking mode if not already turning into a ‘nut case!’  As if that isn't clear enough in your head that the man you’re hunting down isn't yet ready to hear from you, or worse doesn't want to hear from you, you send another one this time apologising for bothering him. Surely he’s got to call you any minute now. After all you've apologised for bothering him, right? Guess what, the phone doesn't ring. Not a sound. And when this happens, you start doubting yourself. Has he gone off me? Is there something wrong with me? Something about all this sends the woman into a complete destructive mode. I mean what the heck? I reckon men have a lot to answer for! 

And when the prodigal son finally returns, hours or worse days later, you jump for the phone as if your whole life depends on it. You’re grateful that he has finally decided to call you. The moment you hear his voice your universe is restored. Nothing matters as long as he has finally managed to squeeze you in. What about the fact that it has taken him this long to come back to you? OK, let’s give the guy the benefit of doubt and say that perhaps his grandma was hit by a bus and he had to spend a couple of days in hospital by her bedside or perhaps his mobile phone got swallowed by his dog, therefore, didn't get your text messages. I mean come on. In this day and age of technology, with all the various modes of communication? No one is that busy and it only takes a minute or two to send a quick text. Or better yet if the dog ate his phone couldn't he Facebook you, come to your place or send his maid or something? We all know how determined men can be. I’m reliably informed that if they've got their eyes on something, they will move mountains to get it. You won’t have to wonder how he feels about you because he won't keep you guessing. If a man knows enough about you and isn't wooing you, courting you then he’s not your suitor. The famous saying goes that the bloke 'is just not that into you' or he isn't attainable. Whatever that means.

 My sweet doves I am still very much a believer and I reckon every woman deserves a prince in her life. If he isn't treating you like his princess then chances are you aren't his ideal princess. You can't talk your way into a man's heart. What that means is no amount of texting, calling, crying or pleading on your part is going to change how he feels about you. If this has happened more times than we care to remember perhaps it's time to review our so called 'types'. This is done by being true to ourselves and by being authentic. It's the only antidote to bitterness. After all we can't afford to paint all men with the same brush!

I'm not Dr Phil, just a writer.





Monday, 15 July 2013

Discouragement - the ugly monster!

 ‘It’s simply too hard’, ‘you can’t, you won’t’, it’s ever so impossible’. Have you ever heard these words being thrown at you? Sometimes words don’t need to be uttered. It could be a flicker of the eyelid, that sarcastic look or laugh. It is enough to knock you off your head. You begin to doubt yourself and what you’re doing. Suddenly all that you thought was within your sight seems unattainable. Your self-confidence and your self-esteem lessen as the utterances keep coming. Yes, I’m talking about discouragement. The kind that has a way of clawing its way into your brain all the way down to your soul, leaving you crushed and utterly confused. Not the good kind that one subtly throws around to protect you from yourself.

Naysayers. We've all met them and some of us even have them as friends or worse our family members. They thrive on thwarting any dreams, hopes and ambitions that you may have. They won’t rest until every drop of zeal and drive has been squeezed out of your bones. Well, the good news is we’re all aware of this monster called discouragement and we should always be on radar to recognise its ugly head. The more it spews its venom at us, the harder we should press on.

More often than not this monster recognises the fact that it lacks the motivation or the drive to want to do anything itself, therefore, it seeks to recruit more of it's kind. When life throws hurdles and hardship, it chooses not to jump and it wallows in self-pity; letting adversities and challenges get the better of it and is afraid to run towards its fears. If anything, adversities should be that little push that we need to spur us on towards our goals. Furthermore, challenges should be an opportunity for us to develop strength and discover who we really are and be the best that we can be. 


In my previous blog I spoke about playing the cards that you’re dealt. The message behind the blog is that one shouldn't let anything stop them in spite of the circumstances. The saying ‘when life gives you lemons make lemonade’ holds true. Indeed, we've got to acknowledge the fact that sometimes the road can be bumpy with many pot holes around which we have to meander but the fact of the matter is with the right kind of attitude we can. So when the monster raises its head, ready to pounce, hold fast and stand your ground and let it watch you realise your dream! 

Sunday, 7 July 2013

Sport and me....


So Andy Murray won the tournament today. Phew! Or should I say congratulations? Talk about having a good day. Not just an ordinary day, but a ‘summery’ one in every sense of the word. I can almost picture the queen whispering ‘one has done the country proud’ to the dear Duke!

Lord help me if I ever utter the words ‘I’m not a big fan’ amidst those more patriotic than I. I’ve never been an avid sport follower to say the least but I’m often fascinated by those who live and breathe sport. Ask any wife whose stance is similar to mine and they will tell you how much they dread any sporting season for they are turned into the so called ‘sport widows’ as their efforts go intentionally unnoticed.

So what is it about sport that gets people this much excited?

A philosophical view given by Lipsky (1981) declares that the Sportsworld is a lived world, just like those of literature and theatre which is highly charged with human meaning. Apparently, just like a story, this Sportsworld has its own plots, scenes, characters and settings. Of course it is common knowledge that each kind of sport has its own unique language which according to Lipsky gives the world some kind of cohesion.
Even though I’m not into sport I’ve since acknowledged the power of sport in bringing people together. In the words of one of the great man (Nelson Mandela) ‘sport has the power to change the world and has the power to inspire. It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does. Sport can create hope where once there was only despair. It is more powerful than government in breaking down racial barriers.’ Powerful words to say the least!

 Conversely, one has to admit that sport also has the ability to tear people apart. Where there is a winner, there is always a loser. Someone is left heartbroken and with their dreams shattered. What can one say? It’s a tough competitive world out there and one has got to lose with dignity – we hope. However, dignity doesn’t always prevail in the sporting world. I’ve heard racial chants being thrown around, seen people beat the hell out of each other because of sport. People have been known to lose big money on the bookies, some have refused food for days and Lord knows there are graves in the name of sport!


 So, today as we celebrate Andy Murray’s victory, I hope to God there will be no broken teeth because of it!