Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Is Mr Right a Rare Breed?




When I saw this picture on Facebook the other day, I could not help but burst my lungs out , laughing. As you can see, it would appear that this woman waited for the impossible!  As I scrolled down through the comments, I wasn't at all surprised that most of the reaction came from women! 

Later on I got to thinking. Could this be true of women today? Are women that fussy when it comes to finding the perfect man?

I am not what you would call an expert on relationships, but from what I have gathered the ‘I am going to take my time to find the right one’, 'I don't need a man to make me happy and/or ‘If I don’t find what I am looking for in a man, I am happy to stay single for the rest of my life’ are pretty much common mantras among my sisters these days.

I used to be a huge fan, still am, of the TV show ‘Take me out’. The way the women on 'parade' come to the decision to turn off their lights astounds me. Some do it at the first glance, some the second he opens his mouth to speak and some when they learn about what he does during his spare time or to make a living. What is perceived to be a potential suitor differs from woman to woman. And to be fair the world wouldn't really function that well if we all had the same taste in our partners. Imagine if all men had a disliking to short petite looking women *wink*. But having said that it would appear that women’s priorities when it comes to dating have changed over the decades. Women are becoming less and less tolerant of certain qualities, characteristics and/or behaviours by our male counterparts.  

Not so long ago I was chatting to a friend of mine about a relationship crisis they were having. We talked for hours; and the gist of the matter was that they believed that their girlfriend was turning out to be an impossible challenge. Even though they had gone out of their way to display acts of chivalry (roses, candlelit dinner, opening doors for her, that kind of thing), the girlfriend wasn't appreciative. It was just one disaster after another and the more he tried to please her, the further apart they grew. But when I zoomed in on the situation it turned out that all these gestures of love were not really what the lady considered a demonstration of love. They had their own 'list' in mind and my dear friend wasn't ticking any on the list! Ah yes, the list. We've all had a list at some point but rarely does it work and the word compromise comes to mind.
Every now and again I like to read around various subjects, and I once read an article which revealed some amazing facts about women around the world today.

Ø      According to a BBC report (28 June 2010) research has shown that women in their late 30s are freezing eggs because they are still hunting for ‘Mr Right’. Speaking at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology conference, Dr Julie Nekkebroeck confirmed that most of these women had had partners in the past, were currently in a relationship, but they had not fulfilled their desire to have a child because the thought that they had not found the right man.

Ø       Research has also shown that the average woman dates 24 men before finding “Mr Right”. Apparently seven per cent of women have been on between 41 and 60 dates before finally finding someone to share their life with ( The Telegraph 23 April 2010)
Ø      A survey published by the China Association of Marriage and Family Studies revealed that 41.2 percent of women in China were worried that they may not be able to find Mr Right. Of those interviewed 40 percent admitted they had high expectations for their future husbands.

Ø      According to The NewYorkLove.net Romance Report published in 2003, 68 percent of the majority of women in North America are less willing than they were the year before, to settle for someone who is less than ideal. The women argued that a permanent relationship would be impossible if they didn't have enough in common or if he wasn’t ambitious enough, among other things.

So then who is Mr Right? Is it somebody you have something in common with? Is it that person whom you may not necessarily have anything in common with, but one who makes your heart flutter when they walk into the room, one whose attributes may be different from yours but still they capture your attention and are able to inspire you? Could it be that man your parents have hinted, the boy next door you have known all your life or is he the one whose future looks promising?  

In her book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough
Lori Gottlieb, purports that women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future. Gottlieb, a single mother of 40, admits that she wishes she had "settled" during her search for Mr Right. It is well documented that unlike the olden days where women used to rely on men for stability in terms of material support among other things, the modern day woman is self-sufficient, therefore, is not under pressure to get married. It would appear that the woman of today has options and is becoming more and more independent.

Rose, a colleague of mine, has been married to her husband John for 45 years. They met during a summer holiday abroad and they were married in just under 3 months. Rose reckons that there is no such thing as Mr Right. In her own view Mr Right is someone who ‘balances you out in terms of strengths and weaknesses’. Rose also made an interesting comment about how women have changed in terms of expectations, considering we are living in the 21st Century, whereas men haven’t, which makes finding the right partner difficult for women in general. Words like compromise, accommodating and acceptance were also highlighted during this conversation.

I also read somewhere that society will have us believe that we shouldn't want certain things in life, or be known to prefer certain things lest we be placed under a certain umbrella. For example, a lady who values the finer things in life, and one who will not give a man who is not wealthy a second look is often dubbed a 'gold digger'. Should this lady then pretend not to want what she wants for fear of having a label attached to her? Does the society expect her to go for a man who does not have anything to his name hoping that one day he wakes up with an epiphany?  Isn't she then settling for what she thinks is his potential and not the man that he really is? If love is all that matters to a woman, fine! By all means 'be in love' with the man. I am a big believer in the magic of true love, but for Pete's sake if you chose love then don't turn around further down the line and start calling that man all names under the sun because he hasn't become what you hoped he would be. 

The message here is simple ....be honest about what it is that you want in a man. Don't marry someone to please those who are watching. But at the same time bear in mind that there's no such thing as a perfect human being. No one man will tick all your boxes. Compromise a little.

Just saying......



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