Wednesday, 6 July 2022
Sunday, 7 November 2021
Human beings are gregarious by nature which means that we naturally want to be liked and to belong. We want to know that we have a place in this world and that what we bring to the table is embraced and valued by other people. I suppose it is how we thrive in a world full of expectations and competition. Nothing at all wrong with wanting to find our space in this world.
But in a world full of expectations and competition, developing and maintaining the mindset of not caring what others think about you, focussing on yourself and maintaining the confidence to keep trying after falling can become a real challenge. That challenge becomes even more ominous when our gregarious tendencies cause us to do things sorely expecting acceptance, praise and validation. When our needs and expectations are not fulfilled, we get stifled, crippled, crushed and lose our confidence. Sometimes we quit on ourselves and our dreams.
Developing the art of not caring what other people think and not letting their opinion define me and my moves is something I've had to work on over the years. Through doing the inner work, I came to understand that it is a must to give myself that gift of not caring and worrying about what others think of me. Each day I give myself the gift of only focussing on myself, my own growth, understanding that caring too much about what people say or don't say will only get in the way of progress. And that what matters is focussing on my principles, values and what inspires me as an individual, and what moves me and gives my life meaning.
In the video below, I go into detail, giving you the tools you need to develop the art of not carrying what other people think of you and to walk in confidence as you go after what you want in life.
Click the video to watch
Sunday, 10 October 2021
Happy to announce that my ebook is now available to order on Amazon. Click this link to purchase, and it will be delivered straight to your kindle once live. Don't forget to leave a review!
Our experiences, good or bad, weave into life to form an intricate, purposely designed tapestry. But, without every piece, thread, loop, strand and colour, we cannot have that masterpiece, our self-actualised selves, whichever way you want to define it.Our adversities, though painful, do not have to be in vain. On the contrary, we can use these trying situations to catapult us into a deeper understanding and appreciation of ourselves and what we can withstand. We get to discover and delve into an untapped realm of our Ubuntu. Because let’s face it, some encounters force us to rise to the occasion, whether we want to or not. This process, I call simply growth. A more mature version of ourselves that does not wallow in self-pity. Instead, this mature version turns lemons into lemonade through resilience by ‘playing the card they're dealt’.
Thursday, 7 October 2021
I will admit it; I was one of those people who always looked at the glass as half empty rather than half full. My friends and family often reminded me I have a job and that God has blessed me with well-behaved and healthy kids, a roof over my head, not to mention the fact that I was alive. When they said these things to me, I would roll my eyes and complain and sulk at my situation. The slightest suggestion that what I was facing wasn’t that bad irritated me. I accused them of sugar-coating things and of trying to put sunshine where there was, in fact, rain. It wasn’t until I learnt to walk in gratitude that my perspective shifted, and I began to feel more positive about things. Then, I began to experience joy and peace that surpasses all understanding.
Adopting an attitude of gratitude has been a journey for me—a journey of constant growth, new meaning and understanding. Being grateful implies that I embrace my life in the state that it is. It means being able to see times of trials as opportunities for growth and a new awakening. It means embracing all that I am and falling completely in love with me, regardless of what I have or think that I lack. It is not having to ask, ‘why me?’, ‘what did I do to deserve this? And so on. That task, I realise, is not easy but certainly doable!
We all have the one thing that our hearts truly desire. In our minds, we feel that if we were to acquire/possess, our world gets restored. And when we box ourselves in this state of mind, everything else going around me disappears into a thick fog. We lie awake at night, tossing and turning, wondering how it would feel to have that for which our heart yearns. We plan and scheme all day and night long and wallow in self-pity when things seem impossible or hard. Then, before we know it, life passes by because our desires trap us. We miss lovely and rare moments with our children and fail to see the sunshine beyond our curtains and closed doors because we’ve been fixating on what we have no control over. Nothing anybody says or does to try and make us see the other side of life will matter because we want what we want, and we haven’t got it. All this is because we don’t walk in gratitude.
We lack gratitude for the here and now, making it hard to pause and appreciate the good around us. As a result, we find ourselves spiralling out of control, and in the end, we self-destruct. But if we look long and hard, we will find that there is always something good going on in our lives. The only reason the good in our lives will seem minuscule is because of a lack of gratitude. But if you look at it, the fact that you’re able to read these words is a blessing. It means you’re alive, can read and have access to technology—something which other people can only imagine.
The fact that you’ve woken up this morning alive and well, can afford to put food on your table is reason enough to be grateful. So many people in the world long for food and walk stretches of miles, scrounging for something to put in their bellies to keep them alive. Some of these people lack clothes and a roof over their heads, someone to love them. We forget all this when we focus on that one thing that we lack.
Understandably, we will want to achieve more than what we already have to gain satisfaction from life as human beings. I feel that it is quite alright to want to do better for ourselves, but it is always healthy to adopt gratitude while we are at it. Because that attitude of gratitude is the very thing that opens more doors for us and allows us to acquire all our heart’s desires. Gratitude will feed into those other areas of our lives that may be taking a beating due to persistent negativity. When your mind is always telling you that something is not right and that you shouldn’t be this, it means you can’t be pleased. Remain unhappy long enough, and you slip into a state of depression, which is the last thing you want!
Lacking an attitude of gratitude will cause us to push ourselves to the limit as we compete against others instead of competing against ourselves. I don’t need to remind you about the undue stress and fatigue that this causes, and before we know it, we have burned out and lost ourselves during the process. Moreover, in the absence of gratitude, there is a danger of alienating those around us. How can we embrace our loved ones and see the good in them and appreciate them, let alone love them, when we don’t feel the same love and appreciation towards ourselves?
Having an attitude of gratitude doesn’t imply turning a blind eye to the areas of our lives that need fixing. It simply means we’ve learnt to embrace the hostile areas while being willing to do what is within our control or power to improve the situation. And when we fail, we do not don’t beat ourselves up about it but are thankful for the opportunity to try.
Click the link below to hear the more practical ways to express gratitude daily.
Wednesday, 11 August 2021
It took me a while to believe that I was worthy. That I deserve the good things in life. That I was good enough as I am even though it is okay to aspire to reach greater heights in life. 7 SELF-LOVE Habits and Mindset Shift that changed my life - In the video below, I talk about self-love and the mindset shifts that helped me in my journey towards self-love and self-care.
Perhaps you're at a place in your life where you're looking at how you show up in the world, how you respond to situations and the things you allow in your life. As you do all that, in your own assessment, are your behaviours reflecting an appreciation for yourself as a human being. Are you respecting yourself enough to care for your body, and spirit and walking away from the things that no longer serve you well? Are you embracing all that life has to offer and setting high standards for yourself? Do you know and believe with your whole heart that you deserve the best in life? Click the link to watch my full video and be motivated as you go through this life.
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Tuesday, 1 June 2021
Sunday, 11 April 2021
I can’t say I remember my suckling or cooing days. Neither can I claim to know for sure if I was a terrible toddler or not. What I can vouch for are the marks tattooed on my legs and forehead. Mama tells me they are monuments of the many falls sustained during my tender years. She has recounted to my horror, my audacious attempts at clambering the tall mango tree in our backyard at three! And how I slapped other children across their cheeks and watched them wail, unfazed, devoid of emotion. I am also told I once chortled and tried to reach for the slithery viper that crept into our living room. Thank God, Mama was always there to save me from me.
There is a phase my memory has not
deceived me. The time the upbeat, patriotic songs blared on the street corners
and lyrics of Michael Jackson and Grace Jones thumped through open windows and
muffled gramophones. I remember reciting every verse of Nothing is
Gonna Stop Us Now and painting my diary pages with every word. My
interests were innocuous at first. But as the music took on a new meaning, I
was no longer just chanting, scribbling and dancing to the rhythm. To the boy
who sent my pulses racing, I professed I Will Always Love You. When
he shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, I begged him to Come Back
to Me. I was just another Broken-Hearted Girl. Each
melody, each beat, every phrase, became poignant, sacred and meaningful. An
allegory for my life.
Those in the know say I was just a teenager with raging hormones.
But I swear the world was conspiring
against me. How else could I explain other girls having superior coiffures? Or
that my bulging thighs were an eyesore even in steeply priced habiliments
father bought with his hard-earned cash? By now, I had sassed what calls for
flattery and roused the opposite sex, and it was nothing I possessed. Nothing I
could pin down. Is it any wonder jealousy, self-doubt, and paranoia consumed
Then I took a stab at engineering my transformation. Skin lightening creams, hot combs and Palazzos came to the rescue. I am thankful there was no Snapchat and Instagram to increase the torture. Looking back now, I cringe at the things I did. What was I thinking? It was inevitable, I suppose, that gradually I would embrace who I was. It turns out, being me is okay. My looks do not define me. There is more to me than my hoarse voice and knobbly knees. My intelligence matters. I could shift my focus towards greater heights. Reach for the stars. Become the so-called woman of substance.
There are things I wish I had, want to have like yesterday, but I try not to dwell on what I cannot change or control. I am learning to trust the process. Friends and the need to belong are essential to me. But I am also at peace in my own company. When I experience defeat, my mantra is to try, try, try again. I pride myself on my resilience. My ability to bounce back. For how can I grow if I do not fall?
Somewhere within me lies a passion for igniting. I have something to offer, not only to my family or my immediate surroundings, but the world. It’s funny how an appetite develops into insatiable hunger. The realisation that there is an entire world to explore. Something else. I derive satisfaction from motherhood, wifehood, occupation, and all that which makes me a grounded being, I suppose, but should I suffer for wanting more? Striving for more? Geography and responsibilities do not a hindrance make. Personal expansion is mine for the taking. But first, I must know - what is my purpose?
With each season, I become my own philosopher, pondering, searching and demanding answers to life's tough questions. I know little, but I have heard and read the success stories. The distinguished men and women inventors. The DaVincis of our time. Writers and performers, and those whose names are not visible among the stars but have changed the world all the same. Who am I to stand in my way? I could write the world's most celebrated novel or find a cure for cancer. This fire is past kindling. Perhaps one day, like the cleansing furnace, it will rid me of the disquieting voice. That constant whisper that nudges me towards greatness and prompts me to find a reason to live. My purpose. Meaning.
Inevitably, I will enter my twilight years. Without a shred of doubt, I know that when the time comes, it will be the cacophony of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren's whines and feet that will afford me the most pleasure. I will treasure the feel of their tiny hands, exploring the contours of my wrinkled face. I will attend to their questions, showing as much zeal as the desire I have to make sense of it all now. I shall drown in their stunned, twinkly eyes when they listen to my tales. I will chuckle when they gasp at my ancient words. For it matters not if they get it or not. Because in the years to come, they will.
When the time comes for me to slow down, cross over to the other side, I want to reflect, inhale and exhale, knowing I did all I could. That I swam with the sharks and survived. That I swung for the fence, reached my full potential and fulfilled my destiny. Or at least gave it a whirl.
Hey, come back soon!