Wednesday, 31 July 2013

What is a woman worth?

Even though I’m one of them I've since concluded that when it comes to matters of the heart women are the most gullible creatures to walk this planet! The minute a man utters those three little words (I like you/I love you) we're sold. Feelings of euphoria grip us and it's nothing short of being addicted to a substance. Suddenly it becomes a catharsis and we wonder how we ever lived without it. Well, excuse me for craving a bit of tenderness! My Bible tells me that there is nothing greater than love and it is that which binds us humans together.

But what is it about being in love that dispels reasoning? It doesn't matter which way you look at it, the sequence of events are always the same. Boy meets ‘sensible’ girl, boy woos her, hunts her down like a hungry wolf. And I'm not talking about a text here and there or the occasional  phone call. The more the girl resists his advances and/or shows/pretends she's not remotely  interested, the more the boy sharpens his hunting tools. Again I will put myself on the chopping log and admit that there is something about this phenomenon that excites the girl too. In her mind she's built her ideal suitor and if by any chance he meets her ideal, the girl begins to see herself in another light. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined being desperately sought after by 'the man of her dreams' and even though she plays hard to get, she knows she definitely wants to be caught at some point!
At this point I’m reminded of a famous poem I once read in my vernacular ‘Kana wamutanga musikana’. What this poem demonstrates is how the girl meanders around her feelings for a boy and how shy and uncomfortable she gets. She will look at the sky, pluck grass off the ground, anything but admit what she's really feeling. It takes a gutsy boy to finally drag it out of her. That's how shy and uncomfortable the girl is portrayed in this particular poem and being as traditional as I am I don't think there is anything wrong with that. She's just being a woman!

This trailing continues until he catches her. It's not long after that that the direction of the wind changes. Again I'll put myself on the line and say half the time all sense deserts the girl once she's caught. She begins to like the boy and perhaps more than she should at this point. Again nothing wrong with that as I believe in some degree of human vulnerability. However, there is a lot to be said for liking someone too much. Tables seem to turn the minute you yield to the boy's charms. Granted he will give you the all famous honeymoon phase and it can last for a few weeks, months even as the 'man of your dreams' showers you with sweet nothings and flowers; he calls you every five minutes just to hear your sweet angelic voice. He doesn't know how he ever lived without you; at least that’s what he tells you. Of course you believe him. You're a normal woman, a natural romantic which is perfectly fine by the way. That kind of romance, I reckon, feeds our soul and it doesn't end there. The love feeling that we get produces endorphins and you can just tell by the glow of our skin, something which our closest friends will notice and tease us about!

Then bam the unthinkable happens. The calls and text messages start tailing off. The silence is deafening. You check your phone endlessly thinking that perhaps you may have missed his call when you went to the bathroom. You check it again just to make sure the battery is charged. All of a sudden you become neurotic. Why hasn't he sent that text? Is he losing interest? This is the time 'Mrs Sense' really vacates the building. You start over-functioning by sending him endless text messages in the hope that your actions will secure your place on his mind and indeed in his heart. When he doesn't respond you send another one asking him if he has seen the one you sent before the one you’re sending now. By this point you’re in the stalking mode if not already turning into a ‘nut case!’  As if that isn't clear enough in your head that the man you’re hunting down isn't yet ready to hear from you, or worse doesn't want to hear from you, you send another one this time apologising for bothering him. Surely he’s got to call you any minute now. After all you've apologised for bothering him, right? Guess what, the phone doesn't ring. Not a sound. And when this happens, you start doubting yourself. Has he gone off me? Is there something wrong with me? Something about all this sends the woman into a complete destructive mode. I mean what the heck? I reckon men have a lot to answer for! 

And when the prodigal son finally returns, hours or worse days later, you jump for the phone as if your whole life depends on it. You’re grateful that he has finally decided to call you. The moment you hear his voice your universe is restored. Nothing matters as long as he has finally managed to squeeze you in. What about the fact that it has taken him this long to come back to you? OK, let’s give the guy the benefit of doubt and say that perhaps his grandma was hit by a bus and he had to spend a couple of days in hospital by her bedside or perhaps his mobile phone got swallowed by his dog, therefore, didn't get your text messages. I mean come on. In this day and age of technology, with all the various modes of communication? No one is that busy and it only takes a minute or two to send a quick text. Or better yet if the dog ate his phone couldn't he Facebook you, come to your place or send his maid or something? We all know how determined men can be. I’m reliably informed that if they've got their eyes on something, they will move mountains to get it. You won’t have to wonder how he feels about you because he won't keep you guessing. If a man knows enough about you and isn't wooing you, courting you then he’s not your suitor. The famous saying goes that the bloke 'is just not that into you' or he isn't attainable. Whatever that means.

 My sweet doves I am still very much a believer and I reckon every woman deserves a prince in her life. If he isn't treating you like his princess then chances are you aren't his ideal princess. You can't talk your way into a man's heart. What that means is no amount of texting, calling, crying or pleading on your part is going to change how he feels about you. If this has happened more times than we care to remember perhaps it's time to review our so called 'types'. This is done by being true to ourselves and by being authentic. It's the only antidote to bitterness. After all we can't afford to paint all men with the same brush!

I'm not Dr Phil, just a writer.


  1. Great post! I hope you don't have to kiss too many frogs.

  2. Joe Daniels,

    It is my hope too. Thanks.

  3. Bertha, this is splendid, I am inspired....especially by the ending, "After all we can't afford to paint all men with the same brush!". This is a balanced blog from a woman, you use your heart to relay issues hence do not distort anything, keep on the excellent work.

  4. Thank you Din. Your comment means a lot to me. I always write with my heart and not so much with my brain and I hope I will never have to deviate from that.
    Stay cool!

  5. I do agree with you on one point women do deserve to be wooed at least once in life. Note: I said "wooed" not "courted". There are fundamental differences in meaning and particularly execution. Believe me I know, after all I am a man and The Real deal. However, I do have one question, what is wrong with a woman initiating the whole process? There are good men out there and you have met some of them. Walk up to one and say "I like you", see what happens.

  6. Hi Anonymous,

    You're the Real deal ha? Very nice. Thank you for your observations and yes I do agree with you there is a difference between wooing and courting. To answer your question there is nothing wrong with a woman initiating the whole process which is why I sort of mentioned that I'm the traditional sort. I like to be wooed rather than me doing the wooing and if I like him of course I won't keep him guessing, not for too long anyway. And there are many ways in which I can make it known to him that I find him agreeable without me actually blurting it out. If you're a man, the Real deal as you so put it, then I believe you should be able to figure this out and act on it. That's just me.Thanks and stay cool!

  7. Very good description of the way we feel and what happens next.

    The only reason we are so grateful for the attention and come alive when a man notices us is that we are so insecure. We are hungry for love. When we learn to love and appreciate ourselves, we develop much better judgment and can evaluate someone who approaches us from a place of security and strength. We have a sense of perspective. Then we can start to attract the relationships we truly deserve.

    1. Indeed Zhana, I totally agree with your observations. Thank you for sharing that with us. Take care.