Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Dear Mystery Man,





I don't know how long you have been following my blog, but if you have, then you will know by now that I’ve been in love with love for as long as I can remember. 

You would have learnt that despite the unfortunate things that have happened to me, I remain optimistic, idealistic, almost to the point of being foolish. I suppose you could say, I have the faith of a mustard seed.

But for a while there I wasn’t sure you had read my blog entitled: To the Man Who Will Love Me. I wasn’t sure you had grasped what I had stated in my open letter to you. And for one horrible moment, I doubted you even existed. 

I was wrong. 

You are out there, perhaps wishing upon a star.

In case you're wondering what I am on about, well, let me break it down for you. A few days ago, the dandiest thing happened: I was at work when a colleague came to tell me there was a man outside, looking for me.

Was it a relative? A friend? A bearer of bad news, perhaps?

It turns out, it was just the delivery man. 

I must tell you, Mystery Man, that you fulfilled one of my fantasies. Thank you for the gorgeous flowers, for Mr Teddy who has since become my most treasured companion, the beautiful message on the card and the voucher which I will squander with little guilt.
   


Could this be the beginning of something amazing? 

Clearly, I am over the moon, but let us not get ahead of ourselves. 

I am not na├»ve, thanks to this thing called life. The path to true love, I've learnt, is never easy. I’ve tried and failed before. But I have learnt from my mistakes.


And this is what I've learnt:

Passion and emotions can swell our hearts for a time, but it is through some seasons in our lives that truly capture the very essence of the kind of love that our hearts long for so much. Seasons when nothing seems to be working. When nothing makes sense. Seasons when we find ourselves uttering the words, 'why won’t he/she hear me?' 'How will we ever get through this?'


So, what do you do when that happens? Do you give up and hope that one day you will once again stumble upon another opportunity at amazing love? Or do you stay and fight?

                
                                 

Sometimes people drift apart. At times, pride gets in the way. But love is a decision. A decision to stay. Life will test you, and there may come a time when you will need to fight for that love.

Speaking of fighting, here is what I believe one needs to win the battle:

Loyalty
-         Isn't it the essence of true love? Being on the same team, fighting for the same result? A good friend can weep with you in times of trouble, but if your tears keep falling, and the sun remains set, it is the one who stays with you to the bitter end that loves you the most.


Compassion
-         Understanding the other person and how our words and actions impact the other’s ability to love and understand us. When we aim for the same resolution, it is easy to stop each other with compassion and understanding when a line is about to be crossed.

Trust/Respect/Communication
-        earned and built through honest communication, resisting the urge to entertain the negative voice which says, ‘do not believe anything they say.’

-          Broaching whatever subject with patience, love, and understanding.
-          Lay your cards on the table. Holding back = willing your partner to fail.
-         Giving clues on how to fill that hole by being honest about your feelings and thoughts. The truth may hurt but being on the same teams makes it easier to ride the tide. 

Reassurance
-          Reassuring each other of our devotion, commitment and love. Things may be hard right now, but if we know love and appreciation is there, then we are assured of their commitment to try no matter what.

Change.
-          Willingness to make amends, doing whatever needs to be done to improve the relationship.
-         Recognising that change does not happen overnight, therefore, giving the other person space and time to process everything.
-         Rewarding positive change; showing gratitude and being genuine in our thank yous. And when we change, remaining consistent.

Forgiveness
-        Genuine forgiveness does not keep dragging up the past when new conflicts arise. It is not that we fight, but it is how we fight.


Love gives you the courage to lay bare your soul and be vulnerable.         

Love is not the loudest voice in the crowd of supporters? It is the voice that is still there after the crowd has gone home. 

You can be diseased, stripped naked by the burdens of life; but it is the one who remains by your side that loves you the most. For how can genuine love only be shown when times are good?

That, Mystery Man, is what I think.