Time to Take Stock!

We are halfway through the year and I’ve just been reflecting on my goals. I haven’t achieved all that I had set out to do by this time of the year, but I am pleased to say that I have made progress. At the beginning of each year some of us like to go to the drawing board and make plans and set goals for ourselves. But we mustn’t forget that life happens during the process of working towards our goals and dreams. Death and disease may come in the way and we may find ourselves putting our goals aside in order to deal with that. It’s called life and that is okay. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. What we have to do is give ourselves time to deal with the issues at hand, get up, dust ourselves off and keep going. That’s all we can do.

When the year begun I told myself that by this time I would’ve published my second novel. But as the process is progressing I am discovering that I have to make adjustments. Furthermore, the plans I had for this book as the year begun have somewhat shifted. As I gain new knowledge and understanding of the writing industry and all matters regarding publishing, I find myself needing to give myself more time and room to work in order to really get to where I want to get.  

Sometimes we set goals for ourselves at the beginning of the year only to discover that we need to raise our standards and expectations. And if that means giving more time, changing our mind-sets, our circles and our strategies, so be it. Do what you’ve got to do in order to get to your destination. Make those necessary adjustments and never let anyone pressure you because it doesn’t matter so much whether we have achieved everything by a set time. What really matters is whether we are making progress. Real progress towards achieving our goals and dreams.

Speaking of progress, a while back I blogged about my fear of public speaking. When I was asked to speak in front of hundreds of women at a church conference in Nottingham a couple of years ago, I swore I was going to die. There was no way I was going to stand in front of an audience and speak. It was unthinkable. I could not fathom all those eyes on me. I mean, after all, what did I have to say that was worth listening to? This is what was going on in my mind. I was trying to talk my way out of it. I didn’t have the confidence and self-belief that I could do it. But guess what? I went out there and I did it. I gave it my all and I am still here, alive. Now a couple of years later I found myself doing it all over again. This time with the understanding that all it takes is the right mind-set.

                

Not only have I developed the art of speaking, I have made progress in other areas of my life too. I have achieved things I never thought were possible and I now believe there is greatness in all of us. All we’ve got to do is tap into that greatness without fear and with confidence. We were all born with unique qualities and if we hide in our shells, then what we’re doing is depriving the world of ‘us’. Of our greatness. No one is going to write your book, deliver your speech, invent that great machine you've been dreaming about or run your company. Only you can do that. The world needs you because there can only be one you.

So worry not if you are a little behind on your goals and dreams. There’s always tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. Deal with life first if that’s what getting in your way; but once you’re done come back and refocus. Anything is possible and as I continue to explore my own greatness, I am learning that there are no shortcuts to success. You will fail, meet challenges and stumbling blocks along the way, but what sets you apart is the manner in which you navigate around those.

Stay encouraged!

Turn Your Life Around

‘In a field full of dandelions, it can be hard to see a hundred wishes instead of a thousand weeds.’ 

There's is an old African proverb that says, "If there's no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm." If you want to effect change, then you should start with what's inside. Your heart and your mind. Crucial but not always easy for everybody to follow. Especially when life has left us battered and bruised. How do we even begin to process our circumstance and turn our lives around?

The moment we are born, our environment subjects us to some harsh realities of life. This kind of stimuli, if persistent, conditions us to almost expect adverse outcomes and to maintain a defeatist attitude. It becomes virtually impossible to think positively.

 So what can you do to turn a negative situation into a positive one:

 1)   Write your feelings down. Writing is a cathartic experience when your heart is heavy. Instead of bottling it all in, pour your heart out on a piece of paper. You will also discover some truths about yourself as you put pen to paper. You may get emotional and cry. That is okay. With that comes healing. Isn’t that better than popping pills into your mouth each day? 

 2)  Forgive and let go. Reflect, retreat and learn lessons. There is always something to be gained from every situation that we go through. This way, we know not to repeat the same mistakes.

3)   Use your negative experiences to build others. Someone once said, ‘Every situation, when properly perceived, becomes an opportunity.’ Out of our hardships, we can discover ourselves. What we were meant to become in life. For example,  you can start a support group, write a motivational blog, or indeed birth a book. That way, you will get a sense of purpose and find the strength to move forward. 

4)  Dwell on the positives - The human mind tends to move towards that which occupies it. So, as much as you can, look for what's working and focus on that. 

5)   Give people and life a chance. So you have lost and been hurt a few times. It happens to the best of us. God never promised a life free of trials. Humans were made to overcome adversity.  You will bounce back, and when you do, try again and do it with an open mind.

6)   Care for someone, love, smile, respect, forgive and give to others. The vibe that you send out into the world is the vibe you will receive in return.

7)    No situation in life is permanent. Things change, and sometimes for the better. Trust that you, too, just like the next person, deserve happiness and peace!

8)   Last but not least, find your source of strength. For me, it's prayer. It is not my job to wrestle with the Devil, but God’s.

 The message here is simple. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! 

My Easter Break in Texas...

My Easter break in Texas was an experience of a kind. I began by attending a church retreat which was held at Lakeview Camp in Waxahachie. I do not impose my beliefs on anybody, but I also believe that for me not to share that which is a part of who I am would be doing a disservice to those who follow this blog for they may never get to know the real me. To me this mission is bigger than my own fears, feelings and desires, and if my light is to fully shine, then I shouldn't feel embarrassed or shy away from revealing my true character.

The retreat was themed ‘Oh For That Flame’ which meant that we (the women from all over the world) were seeking the ‘Lord’s face’ and wanted the holy spirit to ignite us. And oh boy did we find ourselves burning with passion for the word of God. There was music, dancing and lots of laughter.

The health message was and still is an integral part of our worship. The women who attended the retreat were reminded of the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. The food that we put inside our bodies, as well as exercise. On day 2 we took part in aerobic exercise routines and we were encouraged to make these a part of our daily routine. After all, the body is the temple of God and should be looked after properly.

A typical day at the camp comprised of prayer sessions, testimonies, and workshops addressing poignant issues in our society today some of which included domestic abuse, raising children and looking after our finances. The sermons were moving and the food to die for.

Once the retreat had ended it was time for me to head back to Dallas for a bit of touring. I went to the Dealey Plaza to find out more about JF Kennedy's assassination. Of course nothing good about the president's assassination but over the years I have read and watched documentaries about how President JF Kennedy was assassinated. I've also learnt about the conspiracy theories surrounding his assassination. But for now I choose to believe the account as given to me by the tour guide as I went on the JFK bus tour. It was as they say, ‘one thing to read about it, a whole other thing to see it for yourself!’

The tour guide set the scene for those on the bus, including myself, as we drove along Main Street. In my mind’s eye I saw the cheering crowd and heard the excitement in their voices as the president’s motorcade proceeded along the streets of Downtown Dallas. As the tour bus turned into Elm Street which would be the last turn made by the unsuspecting 35^th president of America, who had only ruled for 1000 days, I saw the tour guide become misty eyed. His voice wobbled as he pointed to the window where the sniper fired his shot, and as he took us back to that fateful moment that resulted in JFK’s death on November 22, 1963. The passion and the patriotism that the tour guide displayed was nothing like I have ever experienced.

Oswald's boarding house

The sniper's window

We were also taken through the route walked by Oswald, and shown the shops he entered as he tried to weave his way through the disquieted crowd. A police truck still stood on tenth street where Oswald shot a police officer who was also an eye witness. We were also made to listen to conversations by police officers, the crowds cheering and heard the voice of Oswald himself. By the end of the tour I felt emotionally exhausted. And although I wasn't present on the day it had happened, it sure felt as real as the day it happened. 

After this tour I needed something to cheer me up. And for me there was only one place that came to mind - Southfork Ranch. During my early teens I remember my dad telling me in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't watch soaps, especially Dallas, Dynasty, Santa Barbara to name but a few. The reason being that he didn't want my mind corrupted before my time. He felt I was too young to be watching people fondling and frolicking inside swimming pools and bedrooms. But I am ashamed to confess that despite all his objections, I used to sneak into the living room after he had gone to bed to watch my favourite soap which, at the time, was Dallas. I was hooked and my dad's threats weren't going to deter me from watching it. So when I finally strolled on the grounds of Southfork and entered the house where they ‘shot JR’, and sat on his chair inside his room, my dream came true!

                        

Driving the highways of Texas was a joy. The roads are wide with an amazing architectural design, the cars huge, the terrain spreading as far as the eye can see. The views on either side stunning; although one had to  bear in mind which side of the road they were meant to drive on! 

You either make love or war in Texas apparently. Thankfully, I never got to experience the warring side of Texas. It was love through and through. I didn't know how to get from point A to B, but exploring was a pleasure as I met some lovely people along the way. The strangers that I met were warm and welcoming, patient and smiled into my eyes. They even addressed me as ma’am!

I toured other places too. And even though I only stayed for a week, the inspiration that I got from Texas is invaluable. The experience will remain seared in my mind for years to come. And I reckon I couldn't have picked a nicer place to spend Easter, 2015!

Please Call Me What I Am...

Don’t be alarmed but it offends me that you think I am offended when you call me what I am…BLACK

I have contemplated writing about this subject for quite some time now but have put it off because I didn't think it was necessary living in the twenty first century. Then something happened which gave me a little nudge.

One day as I was having an interesting discussion with a friend, it occurred to me that they felt they could not describe a black person as that - black! The discussion we were having was such that they needed to be explicit in order to drive a point home, but when it came down to it they couldn't describe the person in the way they needed to so as to keep the conversation flowing. For the sake of being politically correct they tip toed and meandered, throwing words like coloured, brown, from Africa and so on. Although I understood, I could not help but feel a volcano brewing inside me, so in the end I had to say it for them - BLACK. Immediately, I could see the relief sweeping across their face. 'Blackk' was better coming from my mouth rather than theirs, so they thought.

Well, excuse me!

Don't get me wrong; I am not naive, neither am I ignorant of the history behind the prejudices, the need to be politically correct, slavery issues, the whole enchilada! I also realise that it works both ways as some of my black brothers and sisters play the race card every chance they get which scares the hell out of those not black. Some simply do not want to be identified as such and are offended when they are called black. They may not say it out loud but it shows on their faces the moment the word 'black' is uttered. But why is that, I find myself asking.

Let's look at this for a minute, shall we? Doesn't it mean that the person who thinks that it offends me for them to call me black is showing me just how prejudiced they are? Are they in fact not telling me that there is something wrong with my being black? And if you're the black person taking offence just because someone has called you black, doesn't that imply that you haven't fully embraced your blackness? What is it exactly that you think is wrong with you being black?

It saddens me that every day I have to remind my daughter that she is just as beautiful and precious as her white Caucasian best friend. Her friend has never said or done anything to make her feel that she isn't lovely, but she as a child she can't help notice that she is different. As a mother it is not only important for me to tell her that there is nothing wrong with being the way she is, but to live what I say. How can she believe and embrace what I say if it is apparent, through my actions or otherwise, that I don't in fact believe my own words?

I have to admit that the issue of blackness can be a very touchy subject especially for sisters out there. I will admit, I have the occasional braids, extensions but like most sisters out there, it is because it saves time in the morning when we have to rush to work, is easier to manage and because I simply get bored very easily wearing the same hairstyle every day. But when my hair is out I also should be able to wear it with pride because it is beautiful the way it is. As a mother that is what I want my daughter to understand.

I have read Maya Angelou's 'I Know Why The Caged Birds Sing' and I have to say that I cringed when I read some parts where she talks about some of the derogatory terms that were used to describe black people. But I have to say that it has been a breath of fresh air to note that more and more people, especially women, have embraced the natural black look to the extend of appearing on the covers of some glossy magazines.

I believe that it takes a certain degree of understanding, intelligence and maturity if you like to reach a stage where you realise that there is nothing at all wrong with being different. In fact different, in my book, is good. Imagine a world where everything looks the same, tastes the same and behaves the same. How boring. I would like to think that it is our differences that make life exciting and fascinating. If someone doesn't accept you for who you are then isn't it fair to say that they are not worth your time anyway? I also believe that it is only when we embrace what and who we really are first that others can do the same. How can we expect someone else to love and appreciate the real you when you don't like yourself? It is an impossible task, I think.

That is why I say that it offends me when you think that I am offended to be called what I am....A BLACK LADY!

Stay cool out there!

Too Busy to Blog...Well I Guess I Have Just Blogged!

I have been busy editing my new book I haven't had the time to write one of my monthly blogs/articles. I am not going to either this month because I have to remain focused on it. It's got to be done as it has gone on long enough. You all know how taxing writing can be, especially with a full time job. I was also hoping to attend a writers' conference in York in September with a finished manuscript, but at this rate. I don't see it happening. Hmmmmn, but got to try and do it. If I miss this conference, I am sure there will be other conferences to attend where I can be given professional feedback on my work. I am one determined bird! I do fall from time to time but one thing for sure, you can never keep me down!

Stay cool!

My Father's Day Tribute...

You could be a step-father, an uncle, nephew or indeed brother. Sometimes we are left to play the role of father due to one circumstance or another. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that you are playing the role to the best of your ability.

It's been a few years since my father left this world but the pain of losing him still lingers. I just want to wish all the wonderful dads out there a wonderful day filled with love, happiness and appreciation. No one can ever replace you. You play a very important role in our lives and no matter how old one gets, their dad will always be special.

The following is an article I wrote a while back published in my local paper, paying tribute to you all wonderful fathers out there. I hope you will be blessed by it. Just click on the link below:

Happy Father's Day Article

Falling madly, deeply in love with myself this Valentine's week....

I hope you don't wait for Valentine's Day to show him/her how much you love and care for them. Everyday should be an opportunity to do so. Here's wishing you lots of love, happiness and prosperity!!